Counting away...
Kaly has to head any list like this, and probably will for the next...oh, I don't know, rest of my life? Becoming a grandfather is just the coolest thing. I recommend it wholeheartedly. Nobody has ever been crazier about their children than me, but this grandchild thing...it's just different. And awesome.
My girls are home. A year ago, I had no idea where we were headed. But this is a really good place. I'm humbled by the grace that has my household where it is. I am proud and utterly delighted at the young women my daughters have become. Sara is an attentive mother, totally committed to her baby. And God knows, apart from my mother, she didn't have a lot of instruction or example on that sort of thing until Shannon and I got married. Em continues her preparation to teach little children. I couldn't possibly be any prouder of either of them.
The older woman in the house has put up with me another year. That's no small thing. She's also put up with my job for another year. That's a huge thing. This job sucks for the family of the person doing it, but she is as gracious about it all as anyone could ever be asked to be. No kidding, I have been called away on every single holiday, the birthday of every member of the household at least once, and I'm still working with a group that hasn't lived up to even one of about 28 significant promises that were made before I agreed to go there. And she hasn't blown a gasket yet. Well, not over that stuff.
My parents are well, active and able. Most people my age can't make all of that statement, if any of it. What a blessing and a joy. I'm not sure there has been any single part of my grandparenting that's been more fun than watching my Dad with his great-granddaughter. It's just absolutely and utterly the coolest thing I've seen in my whole life. Mom's always been Mom, to the extent of most of us taking her totally for granted. But that's Mom. I knew how she'd be as a great-grandmother, because nobody's ever been better at being a Mom or Grandmother. She sets the example every single day, now, to the third generation in her wake.
I'm grateful for my friends. There aren't many of them, but boy, they are quality. Mike (non-brother, but might as well be) and Dave, I love you both, your wives, and Mike's Bryce. I apologize for my long silences, and your disregarding of them whenever they come. My life is infinitely richer for your presence in it.
In the sibling category, I am also thankful, as always for and to Mike (brother) and Laurie. I love both you knuckleheads, too. We've hung the longest, and I fully intend and expect that to last until it doesn't matter any more.
Thanks, Boss, for these and all other blessings this Thanksgiving!
But most of all for Kaly! Hey, a wise friend once pointed out that Grandbaby Is Life!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Schadenfreude
I'm not a big fan of things German. My aunt was one of those people whose family braved the barbed wire and Russian rifles when word circulated in East Berlin that a wall was going up (to be taken down 20 years ago today, oddly enough).
But it's time to dust off a great German word: Schadenfreude.
It is usually translated as "enjoying the misery of others" or some such similar phrase.
And boy, have I got it these days.
Jay Leno has turned into one royal stinkbomb at 9 pm Central Time on NBC. I couldn't be happier.
Now, some feel the need to bring up the recent turmoil surrounding David Letterman in this conversation. Well long story short, Dave apparently acted like an idiot, and he should have known better. But then again, the best President of the United States of my lifetime behaved worse than Dave, and he was in a job just a bit more significant than late night comedian.
I am enjoying Leno's loser-dom for one simple reason: disloyalty.
Is there a single human trait that is worse than disloyalty? I'm not aware of what it is. And I'm not talking about disloyalty in the sense of a Nixonian, enemies list, I'm right no matter what I do, America: love it or leave it kind of crap.
I'm talking about basic gratitude.
Common decency.
Grateful for food on your table kind of stuff.
A little history: Jay Leno couldn't get arrested prior to David Letterman's creating Late Night, with the blessing of, and at the behest of, Johnny Carson. Dave gave that ugly goof Leno, with his irritating accent and act a career. And kept it going with routine appearances on his, Dave's, highly rated and highly reviewed program.
And Leno repaid that extravagant gift with a craven act of piracy against his friend, Dave, and the god of Late Night Television, Mr. Carson.
Johnny wanted Dave to succeed him. Common knowledge. Dave wanted the job. Obvious. And Leno connived and schemed, plotted and planned, to snake the thing out from under the man to whom he owed everything.
Leno got his prize. Dave went to CBS to host The Late Show.
Johnny's Tonight Show became, under Leno, the lamest hour on television. Jay cribbed everything he did from Dave, Howard Stern and anyone else with a creative bone, which Jay never had. See, he didn't have Dave to make him look good any more. Instead, he staged such a bland program that middle-America was thrilled.
Dave just kept winning Emmy awards.
Then Jay got turned out. NBC wanted to keep Conan O'Brien. He brought in the young viewers. The ones the advertisers want.
Jay had an old audience.
That was in the good old days. Now he has no audience.
Apologies to John Lennon, karma isn't always instant. Sometimes karma, like revenge, is best served cold. Now, NBC has wrecked 9 pm every night, has damaged the ratings in every market where local news follows Leno, and 10:30, the sacred Tonight Show, has tanked as well.
Letterman, at long last, stands as the King of Late Night.
I'm thrilled.
Not at O'Brien's plight. I think he's a good guy, and he was funny on Late Night. Haven't seem him since he moved to 10:30, and won't.
But Jay Leno deserves every bad thing that happens to him. Cancellation won't be humiliating enough to suit me. Of course, he wants to go back to Tonight. It's the only place his alleged humor can draw flies.
You just don't spit in the face of a person who gives you a life and a career.
Ever.
Schadenfreude, Jay.
'Cause payback's a bitch!
But it's time to dust off a great German word: Schadenfreude.
It is usually translated as "enjoying the misery of others" or some such similar phrase.
And boy, have I got it these days.
Jay Leno has turned into one royal stinkbomb at 9 pm Central Time on NBC. I couldn't be happier.
Now, some feel the need to bring up the recent turmoil surrounding David Letterman in this conversation. Well long story short, Dave apparently acted like an idiot, and he should have known better. But then again, the best President of the United States of my lifetime behaved worse than Dave, and he was in a job just a bit more significant than late night comedian.
I am enjoying Leno's loser-dom for one simple reason: disloyalty.
Is there a single human trait that is worse than disloyalty? I'm not aware of what it is. And I'm not talking about disloyalty in the sense of a Nixonian, enemies list, I'm right no matter what I do, America: love it or leave it kind of crap.
I'm talking about basic gratitude.
Common decency.
Grateful for food on your table kind of stuff.
A little history: Jay Leno couldn't get arrested prior to David Letterman's creating Late Night, with the blessing of, and at the behest of, Johnny Carson. Dave gave that ugly goof Leno, with his irritating accent and act a career. And kept it going with routine appearances on his, Dave's, highly rated and highly reviewed program.
And Leno repaid that extravagant gift with a craven act of piracy against his friend, Dave, and the god of Late Night Television, Mr. Carson.
Johnny wanted Dave to succeed him. Common knowledge. Dave wanted the job. Obvious. And Leno connived and schemed, plotted and planned, to snake the thing out from under the man to whom he owed everything.
Leno got his prize. Dave went to CBS to host The Late Show.
Johnny's Tonight Show became, under Leno, the lamest hour on television. Jay cribbed everything he did from Dave, Howard Stern and anyone else with a creative bone, which Jay never had. See, he didn't have Dave to make him look good any more. Instead, he staged such a bland program that middle-America was thrilled.
Dave just kept winning Emmy awards.
Then Jay got turned out. NBC wanted to keep Conan O'Brien. He brought in the young viewers. The ones the advertisers want.
Jay had an old audience.
That was in the good old days. Now he has no audience.
Apologies to John Lennon, karma isn't always instant. Sometimes karma, like revenge, is best served cold. Now, NBC has wrecked 9 pm every night, has damaged the ratings in every market where local news follows Leno, and 10:30, the sacred Tonight Show, has tanked as well.
Letterman, at long last, stands as the King of Late Night.
I'm thrilled.
Not at O'Brien's plight. I think he's a good guy, and he was funny on Late Night. Haven't seem him since he moved to 10:30, and won't.
But Jay Leno deserves every bad thing that happens to him. Cancellation won't be humiliating enough to suit me. Of course, he wants to go back to Tonight. It's the only place his alleged humor can draw flies.
You just don't spit in the face of a person who gives you a life and a career.
Ever.
Schadenfreude, Jay.
'Cause payback's a bitch!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
The Conversation
Kaly (waking up from her nap, heard on the baby monitor): la la la, la la la, la la la.
Grandparents: (giggling on the couch in the den)
Kaly: la la la, la la la, la la la.
Granddaddy (unable to wait any longer): Ah-ooo (think howl of Carol in Where the Wild Things Are)
Kaly: (sudden silence)
Granddaddy (halfway up the staircase, and a little louder): Ah-ooo
Kaly: (giggling)
Granddaddy (at the bedroom door, louder): Ah-ooo
Kaly: (laughing out loud now, like great-uncle Mike [think Eddie Murphy's laugh if you don't know Mike])
Granddaddy (at the now open bedroom door): Hi!
Kaly: (total laughing meltdown)
Granddaddy: Do you want to get up?
Kaly: Yeff!
Granddaddy: (lifting her out of the crib) Let's go see Grandmommie!
Kaly: Yeff! (melting into laughter again)
Granddaddy: (hiding around the corner of the bookshelf at the den door) Let's get Grandmommie!
Kaly: (vigorous nodding)
Granddaddy: (leaning around the corner of the bookshelf before jumping back) Where's Grandmommie?
Kaly: (giggling)
Granddaddy: (leaning out again) Where's Grandmommie?
Kaly: (breaks out laughing)
Granddaddy: (jumping out into plain view with the baby) Grandmommie!
Kaly: (arms out for Grandmommie, laughing her head off) Yeff!
[Playing ensues, with Grandmommie and Granddaddy being climbed, lots of laughing, baby being tickled and tickling back]
Granddaddy: Are you hungry? Do you want some bites?
Kaly: (nodding hugely) Yeff!
Grandmommie: Kaly, you want Gabba Gabba?
Kaly: Yeff!
Granddaddy: (returning with a jar of Bananas and Strawberries while Grandmommie turns on the tv to Kaly's favorite show) Bites! Bites! Bites!
Kaly: MMMMM!
[Fade out: grandparents feeding the baby while they enjoy DJ Lance Rock and his friends on Yo Gabba Gabba]
Life is Good!
Friday, November 06, 2009
Mr. Tony is on the radio!
Does Curb Your Enthusiasm speak to your life as closely as it does mine? Do you have even a passing interest in sports? Do you know what PTI stands for and watch it daily? Are you a big timer? Are you a little who wishes to be a big timer?
Get over the iTunes bias, and subscribe to The Tony Kornheiser Show podcast.
Mr. Tony is the doppelganger of Larry David. He is wonderful. He is paranoid. He is totally and completely out of touch with real life. And he is hysterically funny.
You should be listening to him every single day of your life.
What will you get out of it?
Hypochondria.
Whining.
Social Climbing.
Sports (occasionally).
World Wide Wilbon.
D.C.
Bruce Springsteen tickets. (Thanks, Nils)
Bedtime.
No flying.
Off Monday Night Football.
The littles.
Hoda and Kathie Lee.
Night of Quarterbacks.
Here Comes Tony's Mailbag. (Thanks, Darius)
I Need a Driver.
Dana Bash needs a sandwich.
Old Guy Radio.
Get with the program! iTunes. Podcasts. Audio Podcasts. The Tony Kornheiser Show.
Thank me later!
Remember, it's all for the kids!
And if you're out riding your bike tonight, please wear white.
Get over the iTunes bias, and subscribe to The Tony Kornheiser Show podcast.
Mr. Tony is the doppelganger of Larry David. He is wonderful. He is paranoid. He is totally and completely out of touch with real life. And he is hysterically funny.
You should be listening to him every single day of your life.
What will you get out of it?
Hypochondria.
Whining.
Social Climbing.
Sports (occasionally).
World Wide Wilbon.
D.C.
Bruce Springsteen tickets. (Thanks, Nils)
Bedtime.
No flying.
Off Monday Night Football.
The littles.
Hoda and Kathie Lee.
Night of Quarterbacks.
Here Comes Tony's Mailbag. (Thanks, Darius)
I Need a Driver.
Dana Bash needs a sandwich.
Old Guy Radio.
Get with the program! iTunes. Podcasts. Audio Podcasts. The Tony Kornheiser Show.
Thank me later!
Remember, it's all for the kids!
And if you're out riding your bike tonight, please wear white.
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