People in my line of work have, generally speaking, a bizarre fetish. No, not the Bakker/Swaggert one. Or the one the Pope tried to cover up. There is, however, a deep, entrenched, time-honored notion among many that if you can come up with a few pieces of information that in a very few weeks are going to be published openly in the church's version of Pravda, then you...what? Win something? Should be a detective? Are the smartest person in the room? What? (for starters, participants in the fetish should heed the words of Hall of Fame baseball writer Peter Gammons: "I don't care about being first; I just care about being right)
Those pieces of information are, and I kid you not, where the preachers will be assigned for the new year. I don't get that. In the first place, who has time to go around chasing this alleged treasure? In the second place, who cares? Because, as I mentioned above, in about six or seven weeks, it will all be very publicly published!
Usually this fetish is played out in coffee cliques spread around throughout the conference. Typically it is harmless, just shop-talk among people who don't know enough about anything else to carry on a normal conversation. Occasionally, it has become malicious. There are even stories that have circulated about people using their discoveries to sabotage colleagues, which is pretty sick, to state the obvious.
My course in life has generally left me out of these types of speculations. My assignments haven't been interesting enough to generate conversation. Hooray for me. One night recently, however, my daughter came in and said she had seen one of my retired colleagues. One we've known forever. One known to be a bloodhound-type loudmouth when on the track of some insignificant piece of SOON TO BE PUBLISHED INFORMATION. He slithered up to my daughter and asked, "Where's your dad going?"
She did great. She told him she had no idea. He pushed and prodded for a couple more sleazy attempts at the nugget of gold. She finally just told him we don't discuss such things. Which was wonderful, because there are never, ever any secrets of significance between my children and me. I was completely and totally proud of her for her dealing with that old fool.
Because that's what he is.
And if, sir, you should ever happen up on this, and you know who you are just as I do, that's what you are. Maybe, especially in retirement, your life is so devoid of meaning that you have to spend all your time chasing down this utterly useless information. Have a big time, you dope! But if, in the future, you want to know something about me, call me. What do I care? I'll tell you what you're breathless to know. Just spare my children any display of your fetish! Why in the name of the God you pretend to serve do you need to show young people just how petty and stupid the clergy can be? Why would you pull back the curtain to reveal the sorriest part of the church to someone who's already got plenty of reason to be suspicious of it?
To amend the wise old saying, There truly is no fool like an old preacher fool!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Changing of the Guard...Soon
There was a poignant moment in the telecast of tonight's Red Sox v. Rangers game. The camera caught David Ortiz and Tim Wakefield together. The two great players were in the dugout as Mike Lowell served as Designated Hitter and Clay Buchholz pitched.
With the signing of Adrian Beltre to play third this season, the Red Sox had announced to the world that they didn't want or need Mike Lowell anymore. They, indeed, had traded the former World Series MVP to the Texas Rangers, only to find the deal voided because Mikey's thumb needed ligament surgery. Now, not quite three weeks into the season, Lowell has supplanted Big Papi in the Sox' lineup.
43 year old Tim Wakefield, fresh off his first-ever All Star Game selection, was signed last winter to a two year contract. This should have provided more than ample opportunity to Wake to surpass Cy Young and Roger Clemens as the winningest pitcher in Red Sox history. Tim has 175 wins in a Sox jersey; Young and Clemens sit at 192. Seventeen wins in two years for a pitcher who has won 17, 10 and 11 in the seasons since his 40th birthday? No problem! Except that the Sox signed John Lackey, bringing the total of starting pitchers to six. And the Sox are clearly determined to keep Clay Buchholz in the majors this season.
Papi doesn't seem able to hit anymore. The Greatest Clutch Hitter in Red Sox history (quite a title for a player on a team that's had Teddy Ballgame, Yaz, Pudge, Rice, Lynn, Nomar, and a whole lot of other great hitters) has lost his batspeed, his knowledge of the strike zone, and, seemingly, his confidence.
So the unwanted Lowell plays, and Papi sits. With Wakefield.
The camera showed the two veterans together, Ortiz' arm draped around Wakefield's shoulder, Wake speaking and Ortiz in rapt attention.
I wish I could have heard that conversation. I suspect that I know a fair percentage of it. Things that neither of those consummate professionals will ever, ever say to anyone else. Things that each understands about the other's predicament. Things that are borne of frustration and demotion and humiliation. Things that come up when you're wondering, "Can I get this done anymore?"
I treasure each of those men. There would have been no 2004 without the two of them. No 2007, either. The Red Sox might well have continued as a moribund franchise had they not come along. They may very well have made it possible to persuade Schilling to come, and Manny to stay, and given Theo the courage to trade Nomar in the first place.
But time marches on.
And time can be so very cruel.
I hope Papi can find his swing, and I hope Wake gets his turns in the rotation. I want these old friends to continue forever, productive and effective.
It will all end sometime, and the NESN camera strongly suggested it won't be long, but I can still hope and root like hell for one more season of glory for two Champions who led the eternally-suffering Red Sox Nation to the Promised Land, not just once, but twice.
Come on, boys! I'm with you, and always will be! Calendar be damned!
With the signing of Adrian Beltre to play third this season, the Red Sox had announced to the world that they didn't want or need Mike Lowell anymore. They, indeed, had traded the former World Series MVP to the Texas Rangers, only to find the deal voided because Mikey's thumb needed ligament surgery. Now, not quite three weeks into the season, Lowell has supplanted Big Papi in the Sox' lineup.
43 year old Tim Wakefield, fresh off his first-ever All Star Game selection, was signed last winter to a two year contract. This should have provided more than ample opportunity to Wake to surpass Cy Young and Roger Clemens as the winningest pitcher in Red Sox history. Tim has 175 wins in a Sox jersey; Young and Clemens sit at 192. Seventeen wins in two years for a pitcher who has won 17, 10 and 11 in the seasons since his 40th birthday? No problem! Except that the Sox signed John Lackey, bringing the total of starting pitchers to six. And the Sox are clearly determined to keep Clay Buchholz in the majors this season.
Papi doesn't seem able to hit anymore. The Greatest Clutch Hitter in Red Sox history (quite a title for a player on a team that's had Teddy Ballgame, Yaz, Pudge, Rice, Lynn, Nomar, and a whole lot of other great hitters) has lost his batspeed, his knowledge of the strike zone, and, seemingly, his confidence.
So the unwanted Lowell plays, and Papi sits. With Wakefield.
The camera showed the two veterans together, Ortiz' arm draped around Wakefield's shoulder, Wake speaking and Ortiz in rapt attention.
I wish I could have heard that conversation. I suspect that I know a fair percentage of it. Things that neither of those consummate professionals will ever, ever say to anyone else. Things that each understands about the other's predicament. Things that are borne of frustration and demotion and humiliation. Things that come up when you're wondering, "Can I get this done anymore?"
I treasure each of those men. There would have been no 2004 without the two of them. No 2007, either. The Red Sox might well have continued as a moribund franchise had they not come along. They may very well have made it possible to persuade Schilling to come, and Manny to stay, and given Theo the courage to trade Nomar in the first place.
But time marches on.
And time can be so very cruel.
I hope Papi can find his swing, and I hope Wake gets his turns in the rotation. I want these old friends to continue forever, productive and effective.
It will all end sometime, and the NESN camera strongly suggested it won't be long, but I can still hope and root like hell for one more season of glory for two Champions who led the eternally-suffering Red Sox Nation to the Promised Land, not just once, but twice.
Come on, boys! I'm with you, and always will be! Calendar be damned!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Happy Thoughts
1. Reason enough for them Internets to exist: http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/
Roger Ebert's natural voice doesn't work any more, due to multiple bouts with cancer, but his writing is an excellent as always. The man is insightful and brilliant on a great many things beyond film.
2. Reason enough to carry hope for the old home town: http://ilovememphisblog.com/
Kerry Crawford is a young woman I've never met. Count me, however, a big fan. A young white person open about her love for Memphis! Who'd a thought? And if that's not enough, she's a member of the local Roller Derby team! Roller Derby, people!
3. Reasons enough to treasure raising the grandchild in Memphis: http://www.levittshell.org/
Free music series, including a day for kids, each May/June and September/October
http://www.southernfolklore.com/
Judy Peiser may not be God, but she's sure doing the Lord's work!
http://www.memphiszoo.org/home
Disregard the histrionics of the local dog trainer, and check out the treasure that is our zoo. I started going there when the elephants still had chains around their feet. How far things have come!
http://www.memphisbotanicgarden.com/index.cfm?section=12
The Botanic Garden (Goldsmith Gardens forever to those of us who still refer to Memphis State) has put its time, money and energy into a great place for children...in addition to feeding the koi!
http://www.dixon.org/
Need an object lesson on the beauty of God's creation for your little one? Pretty good place to begin teaching the value of art to the soul, as well.
http://www.hueyburger.com/music.cfm
Need a good, smokeless place for your Dancing Baby to discover the fun of live music? (Not to mention a great burger, to boot.)
4. Reason enough to keep an old-fashioned radio around: http://www.wevl.org/
Community radio, with as eclectic a playlist as you'll ever find anywhere.
5. Reason enough to carry some hope for the soul of the church: http://www.churchhealthcenter.org/
As we abandon the city, at least somebody's still trying to make a difference for the working poor and forgotten of the community.
6. Reason enough to enjoy summer: http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/index.jsp?sid=t235
No, I can't explain why the Memphis Redbirds are in the Pacific Coast League. But hey, we won the PCL Championship last year!
7. Reason enough to enjoy some creativity: http://www.artsmemphis.org/
All the arts that are arts, right here in river city.
There, I did it. Seven happy thoughts.
Roger Ebert's natural voice doesn't work any more, due to multiple bouts with cancer, but his writing is an excellent as always. The man is insightful and brilliant on a great many things beyond film.
2. Reason enough to carry hope for the old home town: http://ilovememphisblog.com/
Kerry Crawford is a young woman I've never met. Count me, however, a big fan. A young white person open about her love for Memphis! Who'd a thought? And if that's not enough, she's a member of the local Roller Derby team! Roller Derby, people!
3. Reasons enough to treasure raising the grandchild in Memphis: http://www.levittshell.org/
Free music series, including a day for kids, each May/June and September/October
http://www.southernfolklore.com/
Judy Peiser may not be God, but she's sure doing the Lord's work!
http://www.memphiszoo.org/home
Disregard the histrionics of the local dog trainer, and check out the treasure that is our zoo. I started going there when the elephants still had chains around their feet. How far things have come!
http://www.memphisbotanicgarden.com/index.cfm?section=12
The Botanic Garden (Goldsmith Gardens forever to those of us who still refer to Memphis State) has put its time, money and energy into a great place for children...in addition to feeding the koi!
http://www.dixon.org/
Need an object lesson on the beauty of God's creation for your little one? Pretty good place to begin teaching the value of art to the soul, as well.
http://www.hueyburger.com/music.cfm
Need a good, smokeless place for your Dancing Baby to discover the fun of live music? (Not to mention a great burger, to boot.)
4. Reason enough to keep an old-fashioned radio around: http://www.wevl.org/
Community radio, with as eclectic a playlist as you'll ever find anywhere.
5. Reason enough to carry some hope for the soul of the church: http://www.churchhealthcenter.org/
As we abandon the city, at least somebody's still trying to make a difference for the working poor and forgotten of the community.
6. Reason enough to enjoy summer: http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/index.jsp?sid=t235
No, I can't explain why the Memphis Redbirds are in the Pacific Coast League. But hey, we won the PCL Championship last year!
7. Reason enough to enjoy some creativity: http://www.artsmemphis.org/
All the arts that are arts, right here in river city.
There, I did it. Seven happy thoughts.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Things an Insomniac Just Doesn't Need
1. A beloved baseball team that does not wish to win its games.
2. A beloved granddaughter who is not required to take naps or go to bed for the night when visiting another grandparent, thus rendering her internal clock destroyed for the next four or five days.
3. A goodbye gift from the current Finance Committee. Try being told in the month when the IRS expects to be paid that the workplace will not pay your family's insurance for the quarter. Which brings the current workplace's theft of salary and benefits to $22,141.69, not to mention the salary promises and staff additions lied about prior to arrival.
4. Three months up in the air as to whether there will be a workable job available for the coming year.
5. Being told to "leave well" in the face of numbers 3 and 4 above. Huh?
6. Having three more sermons to preach on lectionary passages that can't be followed where they lead, due to number 5 above.
7. Having to face the wife and kids, two in college already and the other who wants and needs to be this fall, when the current income has never lived up to what was promised, and the next income is dropping like a rock.
Sleep tight!
2. A beloved granddaughter who is not required to take naps or go to bed for the night when visiting another grandparent, thus rendering her internal clock destroyed for the next four or five days.
3. A goodbye gift from the current Finance Committee. Try being told in the month when the IRS expects to be paid that the workplace will not pay your family's insurance for the quarter. Which brings the current workplace's theft of salary and benefits to $22,141.69, not to mention the salary promises and staff additions lied about prior to arrival.
4. Three months up in the air as to whether there will be a workable job available for the coming year.
5. Being told to "leave well" in the face of numbers 3 and 4 above. Huh?
6. Having three more sermons to preach on lectionary passages that can't be followed where they lead, due to number 5 above.
7. Having to face the wife and kids, two in college already and the other who wants and needs to be this fall, when the current income has never lived up to what was promised, and the next income is dropping like a rock.
Sleep tight!
Sunday, April 04, 2010
We Had 'Em All the Way!
And if you believe that title, would you like to buy a bridge?
Josh Beckett didn't pitch like an ace tonight. By the time he left in favor of Scott Schoeneweis in the fifth, the Sox were down 5-1. That's the bad news. The good news is that Carsten Charles Sabathia didn't pitch like an ace tonight, either. CC took it to 5-4 in the fifth, before David Robertson let Adrian Beltre tie the game.
Take a look at Theo's additions. Beltre was 1-3 with two RBI and a handful of nice plays at third. Mike Cameron was 2-3 with a walk and a run scored. Marco Scutaro 3-4 in the 9 slot, with a run and an RBI. Nice pickups, Mr. GM!
Concerns: Papi was 0-3 with a walk. Two of his outs, a couple of groundballs to the right side, came with runners in scoring position. Jacoby Ellsbury went 0-5, but we had glimpses of just what our jackrabbit outfield is going to deliver in terms of fly balls going to die in their mitts. Ramon S. Ramirez gave up a couple of runs, but the rest of the relievers were fine in their initial outings.
Need I point out that Pedey and Youk are just ridiculous. As a Memphian, I can direct you to the moment the Grizzlies regressed from the low-rung playoff team that they were for three years: the Shane Battier trade. Every sports team has to have at least one guy who doesn't mind doing the dirty work, brings energy and intensity to every single game, is the first man there for practice, game or the airplane, and is the last one to leave when they turn out the lights. Battier brought that ethic to the Grizzlies. Youk and Pedey are both that guy for the Sox. They started out the season pounding on the MFYs. How about 5-8 and a walk, 2 doubles, a triple and a homer, 5 runs scored, 5 RBI. People speculate about whether they'd take TheRod or Pujols or Ryan Howard to start a team. How about a couple of All-Stars whose uniforms are always filthy, who never give away atbats, and play like their lives depend on it every single night? I'll take Youk and Pedey over any pair you can show me.
Game One: Red Sox 9, MFYs 7. What a wonderful world!
Josh Beckett didn't pitch like an ace tonight. By the time he left in favor of Scott Schoeneweis in the fifth, the Sox were down 5-1. That's the bad news. The good news is that Carsten Charles Sabathia didn't pitch like an ace tonight, either. CC took it to 5-4 in the fifth, before David Robertson let Adrian Beltre tie the game.
Take a look at Theo's additions. Beltre was 1-3 with two RBI and a handful of nice plays at third. Mike Cameron was 2-3 with a walk and a run scored. Marco Scutaro 3-4 in the 9 slot, with a run and an RBI. Nice pickups, Mr. GM!
Concerns: Papi was 0-3 with a walk. Two of his outs, a couple of groundballs to the right side, came with runners in scoring position. Jacoby Ellsbury went 0-5, but we had glimpses of just what our jackrabbit outfield is going to deliver in terms of fly balls going to die in their mitts. Ramon S. Ramirez gave up a couple of runs, but the rest of the relievers were fine in their initial outings.
Need I point out that Pedey and Youk are just ridiculous. As a Memphian, I can direct you to the moment the Grizzlies regressed from the low-rung playoff team that they were for three years: the Shane Battier trade. Every sports team has to have at least one guy who doesn't mind doing the dirty work, brings energy and intensity to every single game, is the first man there for practice, game or the airplane, and is the last one to leave when they turn out the lights. Battier brought that ethic to the Grizzlies. Youk and Pedey are both that guy for the Sox. They started out the season pounding on the MFYs. How about 5-8 and a walk, 2 doubles, a triple and a homer, 5 runs scored, 5 RBI. People speculate about whether they'd take TheRod or Pujols or Ryan Howard to start a team. How about a couple of All-Stars whose uniforms are always filthy, who never give away atbats, and play like their lives depend on it every single night? I'll take Youk and Pedey over any pair you can show me.
Game One: Red Sox 9, MFYs 7. What a wonderful world!
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